"Some degree of levity"

Kenneth "LonewolfX1X" McCarthy killed himself one year and two days ago. Twenty-three and disillusioned, he was to most people just another light snuffed out before his time.

I never met Ken, and normally, such an event would have very little effect on me. But Ken was a member of my gaming group, ArsClan, and he didn't leave a suicide note for his family. Instead, he posted a note online and blew his brains out before anyone could send help.

It was a sad, strange time. All of us -- those who knew him in real life and those who only knew him through his Ars posts -- mourned. A lot of people were angry, questioning his selfishness in copping out through suicide. Ken's sister briefly joined the community to talk about her memories of her brother. There was solace in being together, in talking about happier times.

It's strange, how I feel a connection to people I only know as screennames typing words I'll never hear them say. But then again, everything about my life -- how I work and play and live -- is influenced by a machine that connects me to the whole world in an instant. At my whim, I can virtually visit any place, meet any person, study any topic. I can speak my mind on my terms, and learn from others on their terms. I can create and give and just ... be.

Over the years, I've discovered that words of wisdom sometimes rain down upon me when I'm least expecting it. Out of the blue, I am given what I need to hear when I need to hear it: a song on the radio, a photo in a book, a phone call from a friend just to tell me I'm loved. And, today, the words I needed were in a suicide note.

"I take some small degree of comfort in knowing that amidst the throngs of people charging headlong into mediocrity with all the the enthusiasm and awareness of a puppy chasing a car, there are a few who think like I do...differently."

Ken, wherever you are, thanks for making us all realize we need to talk more and judge less. Thanks for reminding me that it's okay to rise above the mediocrity of a cookie-cutter existence. And most of all, thanks for teaching me that as long as there are others like me, I am not alone.

Hope you've found everything you're looking for: a smacktard-free eternity with low ping ... and, yes, some degree of levity.