Let me feel your heart, let me hear your song

I snagged a copy of the soundtrack to Mr. Holland's Opus yesterday. Still can't believe it's been a decade since I saw it on the big screen. And, as I found out driving home today, tears still sting my eyes when I listen to the music.

The movie holds a special place in my heart very few films do. (Dead Poets Society, Unbreakable, To Sir With Love).

(A slight tangent here — there are also a number of movies that make me physically ill. Among them: The General's Daughter, Full Metal Jacket, some technicolor version of The Most Dangerous Game).

Anyway, I started thinking about why a movie like Mr. Holland's Opus would be so moving to me. I mean, I guess the obvious answer is because I'm a musician. But maybe it's because I've been so inspired by a handful of music teachers who have taught me that the music is not simply notes, but feelings. It's universal.

There's a line in the movie where Mr. Holland asks Gertrude (pictured above), "When you look in the mirror, what do you like about yourself?" Gertrude replies that she likes her hair; that her father tells her it reminds him of the sunset. And Mr. Holland replies, "Then play the sunset."

I don't think that was a line I understood 10 years ago. By that point, I'd had a half-dozen music teachers — piano, voice, flute. But what did it mean to "play the sunset"? Music was notes on a page, skillfully attacked over and over until the point of perfect execution. "Feeling" was when the music teacher swayed back and forth, looking half angry, half flustered.

And then there was Russ. Russ Mchedlishvili. Fluent in Georgian, Russian, English ... and piano. Russ was my Mr. Holland. I'd had so many teachers, so many lessons since I was three years old. And it took me 20 years to learn to feel the music, to understand what that meant.

"At this point in the song, he's angry, he's hurting," she'd say. "Feel the anger." And after a while, the composer's feelings were my feelings. I learned to channel through the music.

I learned to play the sunset, to feel the heart, to hear the song.

So, um, wherever you are, Russ, thanks. And yes, I'm keeping my nails trimmed, just for you. ^_^