Tasty treats for the masochists
Things I Will Never Drink:
(1.) Beer Water from Stillhouse Springs: Why drink boring fruit-flavored water when you can drink Beer Water? BevNet's review, in part, reads: "Not only is the idea ridiculous, but it tastes like cheap seltzer water that accidentally fermented, and it smells like a roadside pub at 3 AM." Ouch.And just who composes the target audience for Beer Water? Is this something you just grab on the way out the door for a jog in the park? Do you take it to the office with you to tide you over until 5 p.m.?
(2.) Liquid Cereal from Brain Twist: Mmm ... the lazy man's breakfast food. Here's the idea: Cereal. Milk. Mushy. Can. Consumers have their choice of four flavors: chocolate (think Cocoa Puffs), peanut butter (Reese's Puffs), apple-cinnamon (Apple Jacks), and fruit (Froot Loops).I was surprised BevNet gave high marks to all the flavors — ranging from 3.5 to 4.5 stars. The editors describe the drinks as having a "slightly thick, cereal-like consistency." Look, I make a point of not letting my cereal get soggy. So a can of somebody else's regurgitated Raisin Bran has me reaching for more solid breakfast foods.
(3.) And last — but certainly not least — is Golden Pickle Juice from Golden Beverages. According to the Web site's audio commercial, the product is perfect for the many people who "love to sneak into the fridge and gulp up that tasty juice from the pickle jar." Yeah, okay. If you're one of those people, how about I buy you a bottle of cheap vinegar? Then you can drink directly from the source without worrying about your nose bumping into a wayward spear.BevNet says it's "atrocious," adding that "the scent is reminiscent of a biology lab during dissections." But that hasn't stopped the wily folks behind GPJ, who also are marketing it as a sports drink. I guess it's for those folks who aren't satisfied by Beer Water and can't tote a glass jar of Vlasic spears to their next basketball tourney.
... So there you have it — three stocking stuffer options for people who have everything but a sense of taste ... literally.
posted by Kate at 11:42 PM
Copyright 2001-2009, L.K.C.S. It's MINE, all MINE. If you wanna use it, gimme credit and a link, okies? And don't run with scissors, because you're just going to poke somebody's eye out with that thing. No, really. 
4 Comments:
you know, i like pickles. (well, really just dill pickles).
i also like dill pickle flavored chips (more like salt and vinegar chips, with some cucumber flavoring)
but really, who the hell thinks up this crap, because dill pickle juice is just nasty. i never ever get a desire, to say raid the fridge at night and think to myself, MAN, if i ONLY had some dill pickles that werent old as crap, i would drink the juice!
I HAVE to tell you that my cousin in law is the type of person who drinks the pickle juice. I personally have seen him sit down with a sandwich, chips and jar of just one or two pickles. When the pickles are gone, he starts drinking the juice.
Bite of sandwich, chip chip... slurp and grimace! Repeat until finished.
That crap you just listed if proof positive that we now have moved into a new age of man and Santa will NO LONGER be bringing kids coal and sticks if they are bad. From now on it will be pickle juice, liquid cereal and beer water so they can get started early drinking a sixer and beating the pet/kid/spouce when they play house.
Is it me or are all three products amazingly white trash?
This list comes from a woman who drank part of a moldy bottle of juice from Wal-Mart, people. I suspect she's personally tried all of these, regardless of how grossed out she acts! ;-)
I smell potential for three installments of Stupid Food Trick Theater.
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