Two hospitals, one Kate

Grandmother died this afternoon. ::sighs:: I knew it was coming. ... I didn't know I'd be spending the day in a different hospital room at a different hospital.

While Grandmother was fighting for her life at St. Francis, my cousin (and closest buddy when I was knee-high to a grasshoppa') was in surgery at The Med. Unexpected and scary.

I left the office early to be with my family at St. Francis, but Mom rerouted me to The Med to be with my cousin, A. I tried my best to be strong, I really did. When I mentioned Grandmother had passed, A. reminded me the grandmother we knew had faded a long time ago.

A.'s mom — Dad's older sister — was out of town, so I spent several hours in the hospital room with A.'s best friend and Dad's younger sister until A.'s parents made the drive back from Atlanta. It was actually a relief, being in a hospital room that didn't feel so ... final. We talked a lot, joked around, made the best of a bad situation.

By the time I left the hospital, I was drained. My whole body aches. My head is killing me, and my stomach hurts. I think it's all due to stress. I made the drive home, and Paul popped outside to help me carry in my bags. I didn't even make it to the door before I broke down and cried until it felt like my lungs were going to burst.

The stress of shuttling between two hospitals, losing a grandmother and lot of sleep, and helping train a new boss has been overwhelming. It doesn't help that a friend who is planning her vacation to Memphis is upset because I won't be able to take off work the dates she wants to visit. I've done what I can do in that arena, and for now, I'm washing my hands of it.

I guess it all sucks because I feel helpless to do anything about anything. (Hey, there's an eloquent sentence.) I'm not even comfortable taking bereavement time off — although I sure could use it — because I've got so much to do. Where's my white flag?

Tomorrow, barring another stress-inducing tragedy, I've got a blast from the past to share. So bear with me and soon I'll be back to my regular self (certainly a relative term).