Directions? What directions?

Our super-special, 12-setting showerhead has served us well for most of our married life, but it has sprung a leak. So my crack-plumber husband (who, incidentally, also has plumber's crack because he has no butt and his pants fall down) has purchased us another showerhead that promises to be even more special because it has a built-in misting feature.

When I get home from the office, he grabs the showerhead off the counter as if it is a shiny, new, red bike on Christmas morning. The last time I saw him this excited was ... well, okay, it was the last time he bought a coconut cream pie. For real.

I, on the other hand, don't feel much like doing the New Showerhead Happy Dance. I've been gone 13 hours -- editing the paper, plus performing my once-monthly duties as a magazine proofer. I'm operating on five and a half hours of sleep. And I haven't eaten in 15 hours, since 6 a.m. (Actually, I had a can of Diet Dr. Pepper and a stick of Ice Breakers gum today, which means I'm still eating better than most runway models.)

"Ooh ooh, take a shower!" he orders me.

"I don't want to take a shower," I reply.

"But it'll relax you. Come on ... I'm gonna go install it."

I follow him. He fumbles with the theft-deterrent plastic that's keeping him from his new showerhead. It finally flies open, sending the packaging toward me and the instructions to the floor.

I read over the extensive list of features, and something catches my eye.

"It says here you need pipe tape," I tell him.

"We don't need pipe tape," he shoots back, snappishly. "I'm getting my doctorate in high-pressure water systems."

I can't argue with that -- and I'm too tired to try, anyway. So I flop on the couch in the den while he bumbles around the shower. I would ask him to read the directions, but hey, why bother -- the boy's getting his doctorate in high-pressure water systems, and is therefore an expert in showerhead installation.

And, then, he emerges. "Hey, there was pipe tape already up there!" he says triumphantly.

Then his voice drops low.

"... but there's this extra part ..."