She's working undercover for The Man

I own one copy of Fortean Times. Just one.

For those of you who have never heard of Fortean Times, let me fill you in a bit. It's a British monthly magazine subtitled "The World of Strange Phenomenon." It's published by the same folks behind Maxim, Computer Shopper and Men's Fitness. One recent article argues the existence of Nazi UFOs; another discusses giant, poisonous, Tremors-worthy worms underneath the Gobi.

Fortean Times' mission, according to its Web site, is to continue the work of one Charles Fort, who "... was skeptical about scientific explanations, observing how scientists argued according to their own beliefs rather than the rules of evidence and that inconvenient data was ignored, suppressed, discredited or explained away (which is quite different from explaining a thing)."

Mmhmm.

And before you think I'm crazy, I'll have you know I bought my copy of Fortean Times for next to nothing at Tower Records' bankruptcy sale. I also picked up a copy of Paranoia, which, among other articles, had the results of four MIT students' research (ahem) into the effectiveness of aluminum foil helmets.

My crazy conspiracy theory magazines were sitting on the back of the couch Sunday night when the kitten, Joe, jumped on top of them and started trying to cover them up, a la litterbox. I mean, she was going crazy digging at these magazines!

"Check it!" I told Paul, laughing. "Joe's trying to cover up the conspiracy theories. She must be working for The Man."

It was at that moment that Joe slipped off the couch, tumbled to the ground with the magazines, and accidentally sliced my finger wide open.

Or was it an accident at all? I'm starting to believe the fuzzy, cute exterior is just cover for Joe's real purpose: quelling the evil human dissidents.