Book signing?

Locals: Are any of you going to The Southern Festival of Books on Saturday, Oct. 14? I can't be there, and I'd really (really really) like a signed copy of Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman. That book is really special to me. I'll pay you. Pretty pretty please? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease? For me?

I don't have the lupus test results back yet. Bummer.

Random thoughts while watching South Park

It's Wednesday night.

I was the last one out of the office -- Tuesdays and Wednesdays are so busy. The wind was blowing from the west, which meant I could smell the Mississippi River instead of the Wonder Bread factory. But the wind was also carrying the sound of the HoneyTribe concert in the park. I drove slowly by the park with the windows down. I didn't stop.

It's been a long day. My cat -- I mean, he lives with my parents now, but he's still my cat -- is sick. He's almost 19 years old, so that's expected. I didn't cry in the office (well, at least not much), but I was all tears by the time I got home. It's not as if he hasn't been sick before. I actually found out this morning. Mom e-mailed to tell me to prepare myself for whatever happens. I called her later; she told me she'd sent an e-mail because she couldn't talk about him without crying. The cat, Boots, has dropped about half his weight in two months. And his big sister, Prissy -- also about 19 years old -- won't eat because he's sick. Sigh. Fred and Joe remind me so much of Boots and Prissy. I guess the legacy goes on.

I cooked chili for dinner. Well, kind of. I mean, it had veggie meat in it, which is cheating. We don't handle meat. Yuck.

I've got to rip a couple of CDs to the iPod and e-mail a chick I knew in high school who found me on MySpace and is now a nurse in Dallas. All that should take my mind off work and cats and being sick and all that. Oh, and this episode of South Park will help, too.

I should get my lupus test results back in the next couple days. And then, in a short but unspecified period of time (I won't give specifics because I don't want people breaking into my house and stealing my root beer), I will be leaving for the beach. :)

Only a month late ...

Happy (late) birthday, Matt! Hope you liked the pineapple boat
and the singing, drum-beating chicas. ^_^

Punctuation Day cake

Surprise! Sunday is (the real) National Punctuation Day, so I made a
cake for my coworkers.
--katesink

Med update

Today was doctor day. For someone who's already tired, those appointments really wear me out! I came home and napped for a good three hours or so.

The new worry: lupus. As I was telling a couple of friends earlier, it's like they're determined to diagnose me with something chronic and painful and eventually fatal. Can they diagnose tired and frustrated? Because that's what I am.

The basics of the CBC: My white count was down from 16.0 to 14.9 (but still high -- the "normal range" caps out at 10.9). Granulocytes were still too high. Hemocrit percentage -- that's the percent of blood that's red blood cells -- had made it within normal range, but just barely. Platelets were up even more than last time. All of that, along with some other boring results you don't care about, can be attributed to anemia.

The weird thing is that my iron count is high. Normal range is 250 to 450; mine is 487. But, hey, I learn something new every day. The level of my ferritin, which is a protein that stores iron in the body, is on the low end of the normal range. That also points to anemia. Basically, my body isn't absorbing the iron that's there.

For the anemia, I've been given ferrous sulfate -- iron pills -- twice a day. And for low B12, also known as pernicious anemia, I've been given B12 supplements. I'll know the lupus results in about a week, and I've got to go in for a recheck in three months.

One of my blood proteins, albumin, is low, and they want to keep an eye on it. He said there wasn't much I could do, but mentioned it can be caused by malnutrition. Maybe there's a undeniable, important reason I should start eating food again -- especially veggies -- even when I don't have time or I'm worried. I've lost two more pounds since Monday. Rah.

(Aside: Recognize the term albumin? Egg whites!)

You know, I've reached that point where I'm telling other people I don't care, which is sort of true, I guess. I'm tired and apathetic. I think the iron and B12 will give me more energy. But waiting for all these results while feeling like crap is a tiring job in and of itself, which means my 9 to 5 is nearly unbearable. Fortunately, I haven't had any migraines or asthma attacks in the past couple of weeks -- knock on wood. Any more medical yuckiness and I might go crazy.

Vacation (Destin!) is just around the corner. I'm looking forward to putting all this aside for a bit and being a beach bum for a week. :-)

Distract me with corny jokes/comments in the interim, please.

Cryptic voicemail, et al.

JOE DOES NOT WANT A KISS, OK?

So, the nurse left me a voice mail at 5:30 p.m. Something to this effect: "The thing you're worried about, you don't have that. But a couple of things were low, so you have a couple of other serious things, and I need you to call me first thing in the morning with a pharmacy phone number."

Oh, cryptic HIPAA, you're such a card!

At least most of the worrying is over. Although, I admit it wasn't half bad spending the weekend doing fun things to get my brain off all things medical. Saturday, I went to The Sanctuary for some fresh lemongrass and uva ursi, and ended up getting the most fabulous de-stress massage from a guy named Steve. Fab fab fab.

Paul and I spent Sunday noshing on delish Asian and watching Cranbeary and Ya Ya play at the zoo. ^_^

Going back to work was a drag after a weekend like that, but at least I've got some good news to buoy me until I get back to the doctor Thursday afternoon.

Oh! And much happiness! NCIS returns with Gibbs in tow. <3

Science project, part deux

Coworker showed me this. She said a test for anemia is to rub sterling silver on your hand or cheek. If it rubs off, you're anemic. I don't know about all that, but it's cool anyway.

When I got home from work, I tested different metals on my hand. You can't really tell from the picture, but the lines are slightly different colors. Platinum is a very pale gray, white gold is a bluish-gray, and sterling is a greenish/goldish-gray.

Silver, gold and platinum alloys differ in composition (silver + copper = sterling; gold + nickel + zinc = white gold; platinum + iridium or rhodium or titanium = platinum alloy). I guess the different compositions make the lines different colors.

Paul said he didn't know why it happened, but he'd ask some of the biochem students he teaches in quant lab.
.
.
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Like my socks?

Science project (I need your help)

Question: What happens to you guys when you rub sterling on the back of your hand?

It's not a trick question. Seriously. Go ... leave your computer right now ... track down a piece of sterling (guys, ask your wives). Rub it back and forth on the back of your hand six or seven times. What happens??

I'll post pictures in the morning.

Never the same

Was reading this quote today, and the idea of "you'll never be this way again" struck a chord with me. I guess I often get caught up in the busy-ness of all that's going on and all that will go on ... and end up not just appreciating each moment.

"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way again."

-- Azar Nafisi
Reading Lolita in Tehran

Speaking of interesting quotes, I was eating a piece of chocolate yesterday, and the wrapper said: "Listen to your heartbeat and dance." I think my heart would probably play a tango. Or maybe '80s hairband metal. Dunno.

Post-shower rundown

The shower was a lot of fun (dare I say, it was even a success)! Several of us from the office pooled our cash and bought a Pack 'n' Play. I have been told it is a cradle, changing table, and carrier all in one. The Web site also says it has a vibrating mattress and electronic lights and sounds. Pretty swanky for a newborn, eh?

His name is going to be Colby James. ^_^

Oh -- notice the book she's holding: Love You Forever. Anyone else have that book? It's a tearjerker. "As long as you're living, my baby you'll be."

I feel more tired than normal today. Things around the office are very busy and seemingly a bit tense. I know it's probably just my imagination -- it wouldn't be the first time I've been branded paranoid. ::grins:: Eh, I guess EVERYthing's got me on edge. I wish Corporate America granted worry leave, much in the same vein as maternity leave and bereavement leave. I'm functional, but I'm not up to snuff. Some worry leave might do the trick until I get my test results back.

Then again, I guess I'm always worried about something, but this something is more important than other somethings about which I might worry. Mmhmm.

Hey, no matter what happens with anything in life, I know I've got the big things figured out. So if I move ... or change jobs ... or break both my hands and can't edit or play my piano anymore ... or even if I'm really sick or not so sick at all ... yeah, I know that I'm surrounded by love and support.

A few months ago, Mom was telling me about a time before I was born (Dad calls this B.K. -- Before Kate) when Dad was having a rough time at work and was afraid of losing his job. Fortunately, he didn't. But her mantra during that time was: I am not afraid.

I am not afraid. Except I am afraid, but I'm trying really hard. Help?

Quickie

Got all sleepy-headed this afternoon and almost forgot to post! I won't have the leukemia test back for a week, so now it's just hurry up and wait. I'm tired and I've got that baby shower tomorrow. (Did you forget about that? I almost did.) :D

I'll post more tomorrow night. Hey, I'm alive. It's all good. <3

One more day

Tomorrow is the day. To say I'm scared is an understatement. I'm terrified. Fatigued and terrified. And that's making me snappish.

I really should go apologize to Andy, one of the reporters, for the bitchy e-mail I just sent him. Instead of apologies, I'm here posting about tomorrow. I'm sure he'll understand. It's just that I get teary-eyed whenever I open my mouth regarding anything appointment-related. I don't usually cry when I'm scared.

Paul and I didn't go out of town, but we stayed plenty busy here. We went to see "The Artful Teapot" exhibit at the Dixon, something I'd been meaning to do since the exhibit opened in May. We watched the University of Memphis vs. Ole Miss football game with my parents. And we went to the casinos with Paul's parents. I lost my $10, while Paul's $10 magically multiplied into $50 at the Wheel of Fortune nickel slot machines.

All week, ever since I first uttered the word "oncologist," I've gotten a lot of concerned looks (and Andy says several dropped jaws, although I guess those are saved for when I've walked away). And I know a lot of people are praying — they've stopped by my office to tell me so. Our circ manager, Patricia, put it in her church's prayer box, meaning several hundred people have been praying for me. Good. Prayer is the only comfort I have in that dreaded period between the bloodwork and the results.

You know, when I started blogging, it was because I was scared about seeing the psychiatrist for the first time. Talk about terrifying. And being able to talk through it was so helpful. So here I am again, just feeling like I might burst with lump-in-my-throat trepidation, and hoping that talking through it will cure me.

Heh. Andy just stopped by my office. I apologized. I looked at the floor the whole time. I don't think he noticed me crying.

"It's just stress," he keeps telling me. One of the reasons for leukcytosis — that's a high white count — is being under heavy, prolonged physical or mental stress. He and I are convinced that's the root of my problem. Feeling the minutes drag on between now and my appointment tomorrow certainly isn't helping any. Meh.

FYI: My appointment is at 11:15 a.m. CDT at the University of Tennessee Cancer Institute. If you're a praying person, send a little prayer my way. If you're not a praying person, well, could you make an exception just this once?

Meet the human pincushion :D

Good news first! I'm going to spend Labor Day out of town! I need a break from my life for a couple of days, so Paul and I are going somewhere. Anywhere. I don't know where.

I had my weekly "Am I well yet?" bloodwork today. My white count was back up. Stupid stupid stupid. >_<

I've been referred to a hematologist/oncologist who specializes in hematological cancers. I'm past the scared phase and into the "Gah, all this bloodwork is annoying" phase. I'm going to do my best to not worry until my appointment Thursday morning. As far as I'm concerned, this is just to rule out leukemia, right? Right?

Okay, so it's time to start planning where we're going this weekend. Some place fun, I hope. :)