When you gotta go, you gotta go

Some parents hate their children. There's simply no other explanation for names like Chiquita, Cyan, Cactus ... or, in this case, Charmin. (Incidentally, in my research, I also came across the names Xakery and Akuji, with the latter meaning "dead and awake.")

Anyway, it seems Ms. Charmin has embraced her unfortunate name and its toilet paper roots. Paul and I saw a car bearing this front vanity plate outside a gas station the other night.

I wish I had been brave enough to stick around and talk to her.

I just want to know what it felt like to grow up with the name Charmin. How often does she hear the "Don't squeeze the Charmin" slogan? And what about the new "Best for bear bottoms" campaign? Does she have siblings named Scott and Cottonelle? Has she ever had a TP-induced psychotic episode? And, most importantly, where does she stand on the debate to hang the roll over or under?

Important questions indeed.