Vacation goes by too fast

I had to take a couple of vacation days last week before they expired, so my long weekend was a bit longer than usual. And that means going back to work is tough! The worst part was that I threw my sleep schedule for a loop (Is there a saying about "late to bed, late to rise..."?) so I tossed and turned all night last night. :( One good thing, though, is that the bright-and-early sunrise helps wake me up. Although I love cold winter weather, I'm not too fond of waking up in the dark!

I'm too bleary-eyed to post this morning. We'll try this again later.

I'm revoking the scissors license of MasterCuts Store #42004

It's only a few days until my 27th birthday, and my horrendous new haircut has left me looking like I'm four years old. Sob.

My regular salon was booked up on Saturday, and I was desperate for a trim before the family Mother's Day outing on Sunday. So I ended up at MasterCuts, a national chain owned by Regis Corp. Let me reiterate that all I needed was a trim. I asked for an inch off around the bottom so I could flip it when blowdrying. I also asked her to trim my bangs to the length around the bridge of my nose, and I showed her a picture in a book so she could gauge the length.

It should be noted that I'm legally blind without my glasses, so haircuts are exercises in trust. I trust you can follow my directions and not make me look like an idiot. When I put my glasses back on, my bangs had been cut within an inch of their life. They don't reach the bridge of my nose. They don't even reach the middle of my forehead.

She asked me if I wanted her to trim my layers, but when I saw how clownish I looked, I quickly told her no. I paid. I left. I sat on a bench outside nearly in tears. What was the point in me talking to her and showing her a picture? Apparently, her M.O. was to cut it her way -- and to hell with what I wanted.

It was about that time I realized the hair on the left side of my head was a good two inches longer than the hair on the right side of my head. (Remember: I only asked for a one-inch trim, period.) I walked back into the salon, where my hairdresser was chatting and watching TV with a coworker.

"Um, hi, it's me again," I said, tugging on either side of my head and showing her the length difference. "Could you, uh, even this up for me?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Where did that come from?"

"Those are some 'hide-and-seek hairs,'" her coworker said. "I swear, once a day, cutting ladies' hair, that happens to me."

You're kidding, right? Great. Skill at work.

"Hold it there for a sec," she told me. She walked over, scissors in hand, and started cutting my hair without putting the smock over me, leaving my shirt and everything else was covered in hair.

At one point, she asked me, "How's that?" I tugged at a strand from either side to compare lengths. "Nope," I replied. "This side is still about an inch longer than that side." She resumed cutting, looking a little perturbed. This went on for some time. It was nerve-wracking.

And now I'm posting a disjointed, angry rant because I look stupid. Everybody's told me I look cute. A four-year-old is cute. I'm glad I wasn't going for sophisticated and cosmopolitan. Sigh.

I called MasterCuts' corporate number, but they were closed for the night. I'll try again tomorrow. I'm familiar with Regis' corporate brand and have used their namesake salon for a long time with good success. I'm sure they'd want to know this happened at one of their corporate-owned sites.

Last year, I posted about a moldy bottle of tangerine juice that I bought from Wal-Mart. The marketing manager from the juice company found my post, wrote me a nice e-mail, and snail-mailed me a dozen coupons for free tangerine juice. I used the coupons at places other than Wal-Mart, and lo and behold, no mold! (That rhymes!)

I'm secretly kind of hoping somebody from Regis reads this, not because I want free MasterCuts haircuts -- lordy no, not after this master cut -- but because I want them to know their staff at store #42004 does sloppy, unprofessional work. When customers walk out of the salon, the staff forgets about them. But it's hard for a customer to forget a bad haircut if they have to wear it around for a month while it grows out.

It's unfair.

And no, I'm not posting a picture. :(

I wonder if he brought his own handcuffs, too

A coworker sent me this news release from the U.S. Marshals Service, Western District of Tennessee:

Fugitive Jumps in Car with Deputy U.S. Marshal

On Friday, May 4, 2007, Deputy U.S. Marshal Joe Buchanan, assigned to the Mid-South Fugitive Task Force, had pulled off the side of the street in the vicinity of Wells Station and Emily to make some notes following an interview regarding a fugitive investigation. While looking down at his notepad, subject Ray WHEELER jumped in the front passenger seat of Deputy Marshal Buchanan’s car. The startled deputy marshal immediately pulled his gun and ordered Wheeler out of the vehicle. Wheeler complied after several verbal warnings. Wheeler was then detained for questioning by Deputy Marshal Buchanan.

Quizzed as to why he jumped into Deputy Marshal Buchanan’s vehicle, Wheeler responded that he didn’t know. Wheeler initially appeared to be disoriented or intoxicated according to Deputy Marshal Buchanan, but a strong acidic aroma emanating from Wheeler alerted Deputy Marshal Buchanan that Wheeler was more likely on a methamphetamine binge.

Deputy Marshal Buchanan subsequently learned, through a warrants check, that Wheeler was wanted out of Tipton County for Possession with the Intent to Distribute a Controlled Substance. Wheeler was then transported to the Shelby County Jail to be held for the Tipton County Sheriff.

In route to 201 Poplar [the local jail/booking station], Deputy Buchanan again asked Wheeler why he had jumped into his car. Wheeler responded that, to the best of his recollection, he just wanted a ride. Deputy Buchanan responded that his request had been granted.

U.S. Marshal David Jolley was quoted as saying, “I know these guys (the Mid-South Fugitive Task Force officers) are good, but you know you’re good when the fish start jumping in the boat.”

Mooninite-inspired legislation

From the asinine knee-jerk camp: the Senate's proposed Terrorist Hoax Improvement Act, coming some three months after the Boston mooninite scare.

Stupidity abounds.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch the video below. It's pretty cool. Back in January, a guerrilla marketing campaign for Aqua Teen Hunger Force created LED displays of Ignignokt and Err flipping the bird, then placed the displays in 10 cities, where they peacefully coexisted with the human population for a few weeks. Details at ArsTech.



One day, an eagle-eyed (ha!) Bostonian noticed one of the signs and alerted the authorities. The signs were removed and at least one was detonated. Again, watch the video. They're Lite-Brites, for god's sake. Do they look like bombs? Why would you detonate it?

Then there was the fallout. Two people were arrested, Cartoon Network's CEO resigned, and Turner Broadcasting reached a $2 million settlement with the city of Boston.

And now this legislation. It's a new low from people who are too technophobic to know a cell phone from a remote control. It's fantastic you're being a Great American, protecting the home front from your front porch. But get your facts straight, Chicken Little. The world isn't coming to an end because some creative guys placed a few LEDs around town.

Sink your teeth into this guarantee

Spam I received this morning:

Hello my friend!

I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog, if medicine prices here (link went here) are bad.

Look, the site and call me 1-800 if its wrong..

My dog and I are still alive :)

I am so calling 1-800 if it's wrong.