Dreams, Ted Kennedy, and Indiana

Last night, I dreamed I really needed to shave my face. Then I dreamed that, despite my misgivings, a former coworker gave me a haircut in the handicapped stall of a bathroom in the administration building at the University of Memphis. Then I woke up smiling and singing a song about how Ted Kennedy is lookin' out for me. Yes, for real. My subconscious wrote a song overnight about Ted Kennedy. In my defense, it is a very catchy song.

Anyone have a dream interpretation book? I want to know the deeper meaning of that.

[If you get bored easily or don't care much about my ramblings, hit the last couple of paragraphs of this post.]

I've had a stressful week at work, so I'm glad today is Friday. What I'm not looking forward to is driving to Indiana tomorrow to pick up Mattie. The guy I share an office with thinks I'm crazy, but I told him I love Mattie and people do strange things for their friends.

My problem is that I looked back at the May 2005 archives yesterday and realized that all the great times while Matt was here were punctuated by some horrible times. Some really horrible times. And when I take off the rose-colored glasses and look at it objectively, I get this lump in my throat because I'm a little scared. But from what I gather, a lot has changed about him since then. I know a lot has changed for me.

A friend recently told me I don't really exhibit the symptoms of being bipolar -- and I guess I don't -- but I look at my life and my posts from April and May '05, and I realize that I mentally wasn't in a place I needed to be. I remember when I drove Mattie to Indy before he went home in '05. I was seriously about to lose it and was able to call a friend in Indy who talked me back down to Earth. Now I've got Paul and (the other) Matt and Johanna to keep me grounded. I'm sure things will be fine.

Still, before bed, I e-mailed Mattie and said, "Any particular music choo want on the ipod? Can you believe I'm nervous about picking you up? Things won't have changed, will they?" He wrote back and said there should be plenty to listen to on each of our iPods. He also said, "Don't be stressed, I'm not crazy! At least, this time you have some actual evidence to go on." And I'm thinking, hey, if only you knew the half of it. You got really drunk and didn't remember things the next morning. I did.

If you believe in synchronicity, check this: A couple of days after I first e-mailed Mattie in January to say hi, he told me he was going to Indiana to work for a while. Our last few days were spent in hell ... err, Indiana ... and I left there sure I'd lost my mind and him as a friend. And I was doubly sure he wasn't coming back. I was hurt and angry at myself because we were basically fighting when I drove away, and that wasn't the way I wanted things to end. So now I have a chance to drive back to Indiana and redeem myself. Hmm, that's not really what I mean. I guess I mean I get the chance to apologize, talk things out, and hopefully end this trip the way the last one should have. In other words, a three-year hiccup in an otherwise normal trip. :)

I'm rambling. I guess I do that when I'm nervous.

[Okay, people who stopped reading earlier can pick back up now.]

I decided last night I want "The Skye Boat Song" played at my funeral. Maybe not on bagpipes because that's really elaborate and not really worth the trouble. But I think it's a beautiful song. I love the rendition by (now-defunct) Six Mile Bridge. I guess it's kind of morbid to think about funerals, even though I am pushing 30 (grin), but I had an "a-ha!" moment about it last night. So just pencil me in for that, mmk?

So ... any thoughts on those dreams?