Slope dopes and phone groans

My Charleston cell is working out great … except I got my first wrong number call yesterday. My very first call on the phone, and it’s a wrong number.

For those who don’t read my Tweets (shame on you!), my phone number is the same as a popular ski resort. I guess I probably shouldn’t say any more than that or I’d be giving out my phone number and I don’t want any of you creeps tracking me down.

Ooh, did I say that out loud? My bad. Most of you aren’t creeps, I swear! You’re ... special! (Seriously, I love you guys.)

Anyway, my phone number spells out the name of a popular place to ski, and at least TWO resort-related companies use the same number with slightly different area codes from each other ... and both are just a slightly different area code from mine.

Having absolutely no faith in common sense, I’m readying myself to field a few calls from wayward skiers looking for a platinum-rated chalet with contemporary décor and spectacular views. (Yes, I’ve read their literature.) I’ve prepared a few replies for when the calls roll in.

• Yes, we do offer lessons, but in an effort to appeal to a younger generation, we have replaced our ski instructors with slope-friendly Wiis loaded with We Ski
  
  
• Our mountain rescue team is a little shorthanded this season, so we’re requiring all skiers bring their own Saint Bernard as a precaution. We do not recommend it, but it's also permissible to bring a team of Siberian huskies and a sled.
  

Or just:

• Why, yes, we do have room in our platinum-rated chalet with contemporary décor and spectacular views! Come on out … and don’t forget your Wii balance board and required canine!

It's not like I'm even going to be close to mountains or skis or chalets. I'm moving to a coastline where the average temperature in the coldest month, January, is a high of 57 and a low of 42. Apparently, the area gets minor snow accumulation once every five years, and there's a 1 in 3000 chance each winter day of seeing a big snow event.

And yet our lease agreement included a clause forbidding us from ice skating on the creek.

Not a problem for me. I've tried skiing and have come to the conclusion I couldn't do it to save my life. Guess I'll stick to hanging out in my sticky-warm living room in a Deep South coastal city, answering misdirected phone calls and playing We Ski.