Executive decisions

You know that song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter? The chorus, in part, goes: "You had a bad day, you're taking one down, you sing a sad song just to turn it around." Well, it doesn't work. I was feeling depressed when I woke up this morning, so I turned on a playlist of some saddish music ... and I cried.

So check that off the list of home remedies for depression.

My issue is something Matt said before he left. He said I don't love myself enough, that I defer too much to others, that I need to do more of what I want to do. (He also said it affects our friendship, which is a completely different cringe-worthy aspect.)

So I've come up with a plan of action.

First of all, I'm quitting the Abilify. Today. This morning. I'm not taking a high enough dose that I need to take myself off it slowly, and there's no good reason for me to be on it. It was prescribed to help me get through the move; now the move is over. I'm sick of being foggy-headed and unable to carry on a conversation or think for myself. I feel like a lobotomy patient.

Second, I'm going to use this time where I'm not working to do things I want to do. The extent of what I need to accomplish today is fax some things to T-Mobile, go to the post office, and cook dinner. (We're having sweet and sour chicken. Thanks for asking.) After I finish my "chores," I'm going to see a movie. Then I'm going to John's Island for a little sightseeing. Why the hell not?

He might have been what got the ball rolling, but I've recognized for a while the need to switch up some things. I need to start making some executive decisions that affect me. I'm not really imposing on anyone when I do those things, so there's no good reason why I shouldn't.

Who cares if I watch Spongebob instead of CNBC every morning? Who cares if I don't wear lipstick or play Rock Band while the neighbors are at work? So there you have it. Now I've just got to draft up a manifesto, and I'll be set to go. :D