Poetic justice

A friend of mine has been dealing with a hobbled computer that refuses to recognize the 7 key and space bar. First thought, of course, was that the problem originated somewhere within the keyboard. (Hey, you can only spill so much stuff on one before it starts to contemplate your demise.)

She plugged in a new keyboard. Nothing changed. Still no space. Still no 7.

Unable to diagnose the problem and faced with wordsforeverrunningtogetherwithnospaces, she devised a solution: Hit enter after every word. An actual e-mail:

I

am

going

out

but

will

be

home

early.

Just

eating

dinner

at

around

seven.

It has a certain ... je nais se quoi, no? Instead of a plain-Jane statement about a boring evening, it's almost poetic! And it's doubly poetic if you imagine it voiced slowly, haltingly, by William Shatner! (Go ahead, do it. I'll wait.)

This can be applied to any statement. Example:

The
cat
is
shedding
on
my
new
sweater.
Bad,
bad
cat.

Did you use your Shatner voice? No? Don't you know line breaks alone don't make poetry? You have to have the right inflection, the right speed, the right mindset. Go back and do it again until you get it right.

And now, I'm just going to stand back and wait for my visionary poetry to garner high acclaim and numerous awards. Maybe, in my infinite generosity, I'll pay to fix her computer. (Don't count on it.)

I'm just waiting for her blender to break so I can come up with a fantastic new cooking method. Or for her hair dryer to break so I'm recognized for my brilliant hairstyling acumen. Or for her water heater to break ...

Okay, honestly I don't know what I'd do in that situation.