Pour me a Drank

After reading an article online about Drank, a self-proclaimed "anti-energy drink," I decided I had to try it. I mean, I've tried a bajillion energy drinks (all in the name of research, I tell ya), but this was the first anti-energy drink on my short list. Yay, innovation!

Problem? I couldn't find it in the first few stores I checked in the Memphis area. Then I came across a Drank Deuce shot for $2.99 at a convenience store. (Jackpot!)

Now, for those of you lacking in street cred, let me introduce drank — lower-case, street drug — to you: It's prescription cough syrup (a la Tussionex) mixed with Sprite. Wiki also mentions pieces of Jolly Ranchers, but, you know, believe what you will about what you read on Wiki. Drank — upper-case, $3 bottled drink — contains valerian root, melatonin and rosehips, supposedly to mimic the effect of codeine/promethazine without the feds knocking down your door.

For the record, I've never tried drank — lower-case, street drug — but I've had my share of cough syrup (including sweet, sweet Tussionex), and the Kate verdict is that Drank Deuce tastes much more like grape-flavored, children's Dimetapp than Tussionex. Either way, it doesn't taste horrible, but I can't imagine sipping on it just for the hell of it.

Okay, so 2 oz. down the hatch and I was pretty sure it was going to affect me about as much as a can of Red Bull (read: not at all). So I watched some TV, played some Pokemon Platinum ... and, holy moly, it hit me like a train (albeit a very chill, slow-moving train). Now I know why it's been dubbed Mamajuana. I slept for hours. I dreamed about trying to clean up some fried rice I'd spilled on my desk. Presumably, I wiped it up very, very slowly.

So there you have it. On a 1-10 scale, taste is about an 8 (assuming you can handle what amounts to 2 ounces of Dimetapp) and effect is a definite 10.

... I'm just not sure why I'd want to keep these around. Am I not chill enough as is?