P365 Day 164: But can it tell "that's what she said" jokes?

A few years ago, I bought a Timex Expedition watch. As you can see, it's huge (that's what she said!), but it can do everything (ooh ooh — that's what she said ... again!). I bought it because of the sheer number of features crammed into one magnificent timepiece. My practical side knew I was never going to need three alarm clocks on my wrist, but I rested comfortably in the knowledge that if I ever rammed my car into a snowdrift, this little guy would be there to keep me company.

Eventually, I decided it wasn't practical to wear such a big watch everywhere, so I opted for a more petite, girly, shiny pink Fossil. With a dial. And hands — tiny hands with tinier glow-in-the-dark strips. You don't miss Indiglo until you don't have it anymore.

And then recently, I found the Expedition — it's poor battery long dead — and decided to resurrect it. Twenty minutes and five screws later (oh, I'm not even going to bother with the joke this time), and my Expedition was good as new.

So what are the features that warranted me turning over a significant amount of my hard-earned cash to Timex? Well, obviously, it tells time — but not just one time. The Expedition actually handles three time zones; mine are set to Charleston time (Eastern), Memphis time (Central) and GMT ... as if I'll ever need to know GMT at the drop of a hat.


But time-telling is only the tip of the iceberg. (Are those more dangerous than snowdrifts?) The Expedition also has a compass that detects magnetic north and true north, something I'll never realistically need, especially since I never leave the confines of my apartment. But it is fun to play with, and again, if I do end up freezing and lost in a blizzard, I can at least follow my watch north. To the North Pole. Where Santa lives.


It has three alarms, a chronometer, a timer, a hydra timer to remind you to drink water at set intervals (I turned this feature off after four days of driving my office mate crazy), and an occasion reminder. I currently have it set to remind me that Friday is Christmas and that I have a doctor's appointment Jan. 7 (cool, huh?):


And to top it all off, it's waterproof. That's super-important, because once that snowdrift starts to melt, I'd be in a world of hurt if my watch/compass/timer/alarm flooded.

By the way, I'm only half-kidding about the snowdrift. I've lived my whole life in the South. School is canceled pretty much at the threat of winter precip, but I've always had this irrational fear of running my car off the road and being lost in several feet of snow. (?!) Paul will attest to this. The fear has started to wane over the years, and I'm now to the point where I only keep one blanket in my car and one knife in my glove compartment. Gone are the days when I wouldn't leave the house until my purse was packed with a first-aid kit, fruit snacks, gloves, and myriad other things that "might be needed if we get caught in a snowdrift." Really.

Honestly, I'd be horrible at survival skills. I can't even make it through one episode of Survivorman or Man vs. Wild without yawning. But at least with my Expedition weighing down my left wrist, I'm one step closer to conquering the evils of a wintery death.